the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize