I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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