I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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