Don't you send me to vm
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
