I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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