My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
