dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize