I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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