Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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