i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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