Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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