Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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