Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't deserve a penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize