Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
