i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
