I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
