She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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