Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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