Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
