You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My hand turned me down
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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