first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
