Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
