At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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