i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
