So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
