i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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