try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
third nipple confirmed
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
