Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
