Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
