At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
love makes seman taste better
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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