She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
worst night to have a conscience
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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