Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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