Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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