i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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