We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
