I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
