Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
