I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
