I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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