You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
