Just fell off a train. Bad.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So vagazzling was a success
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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