My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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