This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
