i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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