you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
