Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
