you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
