Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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