oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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