I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
