I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
