just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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