My first STD was from a foam party
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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