Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
