In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He passed out mid-signature
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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