covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
