You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
