never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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