I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
