Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
