i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
