I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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