i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
