I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
