My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
