this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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