There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
