my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
