She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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