whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
