i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
