He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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