dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
tequila makes me forget i have legs
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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