My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
