Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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