Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
God, I missed his penis.
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