It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
