Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
