Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's the barista slut.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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