So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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