I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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