Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
