She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
