So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
