VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
