She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
